Feelings of Overwhelm

Feelings of Overwhelm

Well last night I had one of my rare meltdowns and was a mess. Feelings of Overwhelm over took me. Typically I do pretty good but then something relatively small happens and I become an avalanche of emotions.

I can go weeks without seeing anyone except for my husband (whom I adore). I might just see the cashier a couple of times a month at the grocery. We don’t have a second car, no family here, no public transportation and rural enough that it’s to far to walk anywhere even if I physically could do so.

Perhaps it’s a pity party season, but I find often when I hear from people it’s because they want something from me: to cook a meal for a family in need, attend a fundraiser, or better yet, organize one! Rarely do I get asked how I’m feeling and if they do, don’t understand that behind my smile, there is constant pain. The only thing that changes is the level of that pain.

So, yesterday was an exceptional long day. My husband has been going to work this week for 5 am for special event going on (normally 9 am). Last night he worked until 9:30pm (a different event in evening). He did manage to pop home for lunch for quick nap. He’s been so tired lately, there was no real conversation or companionship. I get he works long hours, has people talking at him all day so needs some quiet. I on the other hand am often so lonely that all I want to do is talk but have nothing really interesting to talk about because my ‘world’ is pretty small.

With my hand being deformed from peripheral neuropathy and neuropathy in my other hand and feet, daily tasks can easily become overwhelming. Yesterday, I decided to do some projects on my embroidery machine. Within moments it made a big bang because I forgot to do something minor. That was my breaking point! The feelings of overwhelm really overtook me. I couldn’t even wrap my head around process of diagnosing the problem. In the moment the feelings of overwhelm … not smart enough … anger that I can’t problem solve or multitask like I use to just snowballed into tears and emotional shutdown.

By time Mark got home I was closed off and avoiding all conversation in fear I’d start crying again. Life with a chronic illness is so lonely. Lately I find myself even avoiding Facebook which has been for years my go-to social outlet. It’s hard to see friends go shopping or go out for lunch and girlfriend pedicures, but never get invited. Even if I did, couldn’t afford to go anyhow. But, occasionally, it would be nice to know I crossed their minds long enough to be asked.

Today is a new day. I’m determined to be upbeat and less overwhelmed then yesterday.

Typically the thing that helps me the most is listening to the Christian radio and pray. But unfortunately, I don’t always do first.

Let me know what do you do when feeling overwhelmed to get out of the funk in the comments?